Yo yo sup, I'm just waitin' for the phone to complete charging soz I can sleepz.

*

She's in a daze, in a daze. Whereever she looks to, it is shrouded in misty fog.

She reaches out to touch it; but it merely slips through her fingers, soft as a silk blanket, moist as the mornings. She brings her hand to her nose and catches a whiff. It has the sweet fragrance of dew, and it lingers.

It brings his face into her peripheral vision. She willingly closes her eyes, a gentle smile gracing her lips.

It brings his touch to her body. She feels his arms around her waist, where it fitted naturally like it somehow belonged. She feels his warmth exuding out, his body heat claiming her body just like it belonged. She feels his tender, cool cheek on hers, then his tender, cool lips on hers, interlocking like a puzzle in which they both belonged.

It brings his scent wafting into her nose. She inhales, deeply. There is nothing more comforting, more soothing, more... refreshing.

She loves the imtimacy two people can share without the need to progress further to profess to the world of their love.

She could lie like this forever, oh, she could.

*

Imtimacy, and lust.


I find these two things play an important part in 'love'.
They may separate, they may combine.
But I am in no position to judge what is rightfully 'correct', or wrongly 'incorrect'.

Each character describes a certain aspect of 'love'. This is not to say that 'love' is all about lust and being intimate. No, because love is much more than that. But I digress.
Some people think that intimacy is beautiful, others may agree that lust is smokin' hot.

It is not wrong to think this way, as there is no correct answer.

To lust is to want.
To be intimate is to need.

They should not be treated in the same manner, as they are obviously different.
But they can be used in the same context.

We all have our wants. We all should have our basic needs.

To be attracted to someone, deep down we all want to be intimate. But, what is it that actually brings us closer to intimacy in the first place?

Think about it, people.
To need, you first will have to want.
To want, will depend on what you need.
Think about it.

*

WHAT I LEARNT TODAY No. 1 : Mr. Humourous's jokes are super lame to the max!

"Mr. (easygoing)Ku: I wanna thank my parents.

(awhile later...)

Mr. (humourous)Soh: I wanna thank Mr. Ku's parents."

Honestly, any lamer than that and he'll be a block of ice.





WHAT I LEARNT TODAY No.2 : Junk food and bad jokes make up a part of 6 peace.

Out with to primary school with Shermaine Hilda and Annette to meet Miss Kok later on, and headed down to Mos Burger at Lot 1.

Met most of the awesome people there!
Amanda S., Samantha L., LinSha, Adrienne, Zoey L., Andro, Desiree... (hearts!)

Snacked on Chips and all the Fried Wonders of Mos Burger (no I just made that up), and inebriated ourselves on a gazillon of extremely bad jokes. HAHAHA.

Freaking fun.

Ah, nostalgia. 6 peace is back.

only, I miss the monkey garden a whole, whole lot.
EH, THEY SAY YOU VERY MAN ALREADY LEH. HAHHAA.

I'd place a photo, but, we'll see how to get it from Amanda. (A-man-, duh!)

I'm getting lamer. All the bad jokes have rubbed off on me, hahaha.

OW OW OW FREAKING HELL SOMEONE REMIND ME NEVER TO SCRATCH MYSELF LIKE PLZPLZPLZ.

My poor skin):

Oh hell it hurts. Argh. >:(

"Tequila shots in the dark scene of the night.
I don't like dancin' in the alley with a streetrat nightlife."

Heyhey!


NOTHING PERSONAL.

by All Time Low. That's what you call AWESOME.

*

I'm gonna break your little heart
Watch you take the fall
Laughing all the way to the hospital
'Cause there's nothing surgery can do
When I break your little heart in two
I'm gonna break your little heart in two.


I'm in a fucking awesome mood right now.
Don't feel like anything can get me down, right at this moment. :D
I feel so fantastic.

It's as if I'm on a roll.
Been quite a few days already, I wake up everyday and, no matter how little sleep I managed to snag the previous night, feel so rejuvenated to spend another day.
Okay, granted that I do fall asleep in certain lessons, but... That's beside the point.

I feel like I'm living in my own, comfy little bubble. Uhm... alright maybe not SO comfortable, but you roughly get what I mean.
It's getting easier to pass by day by day.

I feel so OOB (Out Of Body) each day.
Like as if I'm watching myself doing whatever I'm doing, from somewhere else.
I might have appeared to be in a daze, like "whoohoo Earth-to-gen?" moments. So zoned out.
Maybe it's because I'm not taking note of everything, that's why I find that each day whizzes by me.

"Too much... of anything is just,
too much....
We had too much time, so we fought like tomorrow was promised."




Irritating, irritating, irritating... !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I tried to get you outta my mind, why are you still here?

I can't freaking believe myself.
I'm comparing everything of someone else to you.
Like, "ah, ew. -insert- did it better." or, "eh? Why is it like this? Didn't -insert- do it like that? Wasn't that correct?" and even, "it just ain't the same."
I'm not supposed to be thinking like that.... EURGH.

I still don't know how I act so normal around you.
Wait, normal? Am I really normal?

*shakes head*

"I've got a house in the back of my head,
but I can't find a permanent resident."

Saturday was awesome.

MAN I GOT SUNBURNT SHITLESS.

unglam tan-lines and scorching skin, owch.
and, AHEM, OIL STAINS ON MY SHIRT.

C'MON, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE YOU'RE READING THIS RIGHT NOW AREN'CHA AHAHHAHA DON'T DENY. xP

ow dammit my skin is searing I accidentally scratched it, stupid me.

"WHERE GOT GHOST" later at night, cinema was damn packed.
Hahaha, the show was dumb lol.
stupid ghosts and, too much white makeup and red clothing and fake-ish animation.
But it made me laugh a great deal... super lame okay!
I'll give it plus points for that. So overall it's a pass for me.
Just make sure you guys watch it at night AHHAHA watch in the day you won't really get that "oohhh. creepy" effect cause it's a DAMNED GHOST SHOW FOR GOODNESS' SAKE.

Kay it's 10pm I wanna go back to... fucking trigo.
Screw that.

ciao anyway. Wish me a decent week ahead, alright guys?

Sometimes, the best part of 'believe',

is the 'lie'.





There is no easy way to lie.
I figure it comes with practice.

The only way to 'successfully' lie is to believe wholeheartedly in what you don't.
It kinda lets the others fall into what you say. More convincing, perhaps.



...But, what happens when you yourself fall so deep into the lie, that even you actually start to believe in it?




Kinda scary, ainit?








*




OKAY STUPID WEEK IS OVER AND I'M LIKE, WOW.

But it's okay, 3 tests and 1 quiz never killed anyone.


Time to catch up on a few z's this weekend!
ciao, (:

I used to be a little bit shy, I kept my deepest feelings inside
Speaking up to you about my emotions has always been hard
But this just can't wait, tonight I feel a little bit brave
So I won't let one more day pass without me explaining what we are

This is gonna sound kinda silly
But I couldn't help but notice
The last time you kissed me
You kept both eyes open
Baby, can you tell me what does that mean?
If you're looking all over your shoulder
Then you don't need to be with me
And I don't need to hold on

*
Don't let me stop you from doing what you wanna do
You don't wanna stick, trust me it's cool
Take no chance gettin' over you
No, no, don't let me stop you, if you wanna leave, baby you can leave
Just don't pretend that you're into me
If it ain't true, no, don't let me stop you
*

A lot of things I can take, gotta high threshold for pain
But let's get one thing straight, I'm not down to share you with anyone
If that's not what you're looking for, nice knowing you, but there's the door
Cause I know that I can find someone to give me what I want

This is gonna sound kinda silly
If you're looking over your shoulder
Then you don't need to be with me
And I don't need to hold on

Even if I end up broken hearted, I won't lie
I don't wanna hear goodbye, but other way I'll be alright

-Don't let me stop you.
Kelly Clarkson.


*

Esther's right. This is a fantastic song for me.
I realised much more through a simple song than I ever could with possibly anything else.
And you can probably guess that I have this song playing as I'm typing this entry.

I can't believe I'm being manipulated into doing something I don't want, into someone I'm not, into someone I don't wanna be.
Why? I don't the hell know.
I don't know who the hell you are to me. Why am I letting this happen?

I know I've said I don't mind many things.
Why? Why did I even say that?
PUI. Machaim like so desperate like that. Desperate to keep you near.
You know...Maybe I can change that. Just wait. or, Nah, you wouldn't dare. and how about, If I'm fine with that, you'll still be here, right?
I just don't know why it took me so long just to figure out.

But I think right now, I just don't care already.
Why? I'm just too damn fucking tired.
I thought I'd gotten rid of everything that I previously felt for, you know, just for the record. So that I won't be a moping zombie everywhere.
Try something different for a change. Cut myself some slack.

It's hard to support something like this up and hold it together.
Why can't you just screw off and fucking leave me alone?
I ain't perfect, hell I do know. Why don't you go find someone else who is?
Leave me to mope around in my own imperfections, why don't you?
HAH. AS IF.

I don't want to continue psycho-ing myself into thinking that this is right.
It's not. It fucking is not.
Well, so yeah. It's been nice knowing you, but there's the door.

*

It was the final minutes of the last lesson. She had already packed her things, seeing as the teacher had already finished the topic for the day and didn't seem like he was going to continue on. Wrapping her arms around the bag in front of her chest, she rocked on the chair, eyes fixed upon the clock, almost willing the second hand to spin faster around the clock's face.

Suddenly, a vibration coming from her pocket shook her out of the concentration she hadn't realised she had fallen into.

Incoming call. Number withheld. The screen of her phone flashed.

Brow furrowed, she clicked the 'answer' button, flipped her shoulder-length auburn highlights down and put the phone under her concealed ear, silently hoping her teacher, that currently had his back towards her, wouldn't turn around.

"Hello?" She whispers into the phone, apprehensively.

The familiar voice on the other line was scratchy; lost but impatient. "Hey, hey? Come... Come... Get down to Mount. A, now, hurry... please... hurry, won't... won't make it. Don't... Don't seem good... just hurry."

She could almost feel the vibration in her caller's voice, but that was not what that mattered. As the tone went dead, she could almost feel her arm detatching itself from her body. Fingers still clutching the phone in nothing less than a death grip, everything else that connected the shoulder to the wrist fell limp, lifeless. Dead.

"Okay now class, if there is anything else from this lecture that needs explaining, please feel free to stay back for the remedial after lesson. If that is all, thank you class." The teacher's voice rang out.

There was a massive scraping of chairs as the students stood up to greet the teacher goodbye. She felt her legs straighten, she felt her back bend in a slight bow, she felt her mouth move to produce words. But she didn't feel all there, like as if she was watching herself from the sidelines. A sick, sick, motion picture of her own life.

"Eh," her deskmate nudged her. "You staying back for remedial? You did say you were going to, and I don't understand half the lecture. Accompany me, please? Oh, and what was that call for?"

Robotically, she turned to face her deskmate.

Robotically, her mouth moved in the appropriate movements to form the excuse she had perfectly formulated before so that she wouldn't have an escape excuse for situations like this.

"Uhm, no I can't, I'm so, so sorry. My parents just called and said my sister was hospitalised with quite a horrible flu bug. So I gotta run..." She slung her bag over a shoulder and did a backward wave. "Seeya!"

"Oh, yeah sure go ahead..." Maybe her deskmate finished the sentence with a get-well-soon wishing, maybe she finished it with a goodbye. But she didn't hear, she didn't care. She was already half way out of school, fumbling with her phone in the process of dialing a cab.

"Mount... Mount A., please." She told the cabby as soon as she entered the taxi. There wouldn't be time for a bus. As soon as the door slammed shut, the cab driver sped off.

Throughout the ride, she suddenly became very conscious of her bodily actions. Her legs were shaking, no matter how often she tried to stop it. Her palms were getting wet, no matter how many times she wiped them off her sleeves. Her breathing was ragged, as if she had just ran a mile under 6 minutes.

Minutes flashed by as the surroundings whizzed to a change. She had arrived. This place is familiar, those glass doors are familiar. How many times had she walked through those doors? She had long lost count.

Fumbling with the change, giving the cabby a five instead of a ten, a fifty instead of a twenty, apologising for her carelessness, stumbling out of the cab with wobbly knees, she practically tumbled through the automatic glass doors and almost fell headfirst through the reception.

Grabbing a nearby sofa to stabilize herself, she pulled out her phone and hit the redial button. She was going to call the last person whom she called previously anyway, no need for her new-found clumsiness to bring about additional trouble.

"Where, where?" She gasped into the phone.

"Opp... Opp..." There was a switching of hands and a new voice emerged. "Please come to ward 13 on level 3 of the hospice, it's just directly opposite the hospital." This voice sounded practiced, calm and collected, cool. Probably one of the nurses, she imagined.

"O-okay, thank... thank you."

Yet again, she stumbled out of the glass doors. The hospice was a mere 50m away. But the trek there looked highly dangerous, where the obstacles included the hospital carpark, a simple pavement, and another set of sliding glass doors. What if, in her delusional state, she doesn't notice a car coming? What if she trips over a crack or a pebble in the path and falls and hits her head and suffers a concussion? What if she, without noticing, crashes headfirst through the glass doors?

But, she makes it safely across the road. And over the pavement. And through the glass doors.

"May I help you?" A voice rings from the reception.

"W-ward 13." She flusters. Did she get the ward correct?

"Ah, yes," the receptionist's face goes soft. "She just got transferred in today morning. Lift's down the right, do you need me to go with you?"

"No... no thanks, thank you, but no. I... I have to hurry. Thank you." She manages to say. At the lift, it takes her three tries before her lifeless fingers were able to press accurately onto that single, small UP button.

She rushes forward as soon as the bell rings, almost banging into the unopened lift doors. Once inside the lift, she leans against the sidepanes, unknowingly catching her reflection in the dull aluminium. Although it highly distorted her otherwise attractive features, there was no mistaking the pale tinge in the clammy, wet skin. She runs her sleeve over her forehead, wiping away cold perspiration she never knew had formed.

The lift 'dinged' open again, and she ran all the way to Ward 13.

She slammed through the doors, only to be greeted by sights of red, puffy, teary eyes, trembling hands, and weak smiles. Everyone had gathered round the single bed there, like some sick procession.

She drops her bag at the side of the door, or rather, her bag just slumped off her shoulders and happened to land at the door posts. Slowly, she inched her way toways the bed. The people cleared the path for her. She heard her breathing become ragged, torn again.

She has now reached the side of the bed, looking upon the mangled excuse for a patient lying upon the blue sheets. A drip was attached to what remained of a hand, and the hospital pajamas looked too big although it was already the smallest size.

She leaned over and smoothed out the rainbow-coloured skull cap, before pulling it off. Too colourful for the picture, it just made her sick. She grabbed the hand, although it lay still and skeleton-thin within her palms. It was cold. Very cold.

Without realising it, she had already put a finger under the nostrils of the patient, as if uncertain about the heartrate meter on the side.

The patient was so wasted, so, so much like the face of Death itself.

"What...?" She whispers, hoping someone would answer her unasked question.

"Speak to her, she can hear you. Although she's mostly respirator now..."

RESPIRATOR?

The patient's eyes were wide open. They look scary. She doubts they see a thing. There was a faraway could hanging over them. The patient wasn't there with them anymore.

She leans forward again, to put her face near the one she loved so much.

"Turn it off."

"What, dear? I'm sorry, I didn't catch you."

"The respirator, turn it off."

"Why dear? She'll get better, you know it!" Fake enthusiasm spilled out of this person's mouth. Who is this person? She cannot differentiate now.

"Turn. It. Fucking. Off. I can't have her like this. She's gone, already." Her voice was going to break, and she knew it.

"We wanted you to have the choice, you know, that was why we waited..."

"I DON'T FUCKING CARE ABOUT THAT. TURN THE FUCKING RESPIRATOR OFF." She burst out, before slumping onto the chair that was beside the bed. Her vision goes blurry, she feels her senses numb. After a temporary spill of tears, it suddenly ceases to a stop.

A doctor was called in. She eyes him as he approaches the respirator, the only thing keeping the one she loved so alive, or surviving, right now. She watches as his finger flips a switch. She watches as the patient's chest ceases to fall and rise in that rhythmic motion she used to fall asleep on. She watches as the heartrate meter slowly decreases, decreases, decreases and finally bleeps to a stop. The patient's gone. The patient is no more. As of now, the patient is non-existant.

The single, wailing bleep of the machine is suddenly topped off by several wailing cries of the other people of the room.

Silently, she slips out.

At the funeral, she is confused. Who is the corpse around here?

Is it her? Walking around like a zombie, being just about as responsive as a rock, as emotional as a pebble.

Or is it one lying in the coffin, looking beautiful even in death? She made it a point to give credit to the make-up artists.

She saw, heard, and felt many people come up to her to talk. But within herself, everything has been turned off. She saw, heard, and felt nothing.

It was just as they say:

At the time, you're numb and you try to block it out. Yes, you know that person's gone and all, but it's like you're in this fog. Subsequently, life kind of gets into a routine, and you absentmindedly follow it. Before you know it, you stop thinking about it so much, and you move on. You also realise that there is no other choice.

*

OKAY SWELL THIS IS AWESOME.

Blogger now allows me to upload awesome photos!

HILDAHILDAHILDA GET READY FOR PHOTOSPAMMMMM :D:D

So first up, went down to Kallang and caught a cab to the Kallang Leisure Park to bowllll. :D
Bowling is fun, but HAHAHA I think I suck at it.


"Ahem, yes I know I'm very very mature... OH LOOK PLAYGROUND CAN WE GO PLAY? PLSPLSPLS?"

Hilda you big baby, HEEHEE. (:




Yeap, so we got dragged to the rooftop, just to find that the doors were (still) locked as it was rather early in the morning. Then had to go back into the lift where this couple were sorta waiting for us...

No. Rather, they were gonna close the lift door on us when Hilda ran towards the lift, pressed the OPEN button, and pushed us all in.
And not to mention start talking very very LOUDLY. HILDATAY EMBARASSING!



So anyway, the Bowling Center opened slightly after 9am, and we went in to, duh, BOWL!

Oh ya, and the smart girl in the brown shirt above ^ (points to HILDATAY) forgot to bring socks so she had to buy a pair HAHA SMART.



Kallang Bowl! Super deserted in the morning, fantastic!


This girl doesn't know howta ice-skate! If not we would have gone ice-skating there cause they have an awesome ice rink!



HEEHEE We'll be seeing alot of this sorta bowling photos mostly taken by yours truly!




HAHAHA Hilda bowls funny. She throws the ball and lets it go on the waxy surface thingy there and it rolls and hits the pins. WTF EVEN MY THROW ISN'T THAT GOOD WAAH.

On the account that she's BIRTHDAY GIRL, I'll let it pass. (:


"Oh, you know I fell on that waxy surface where the balls roll on? Yeah, it was super embarassing. I was trying to get that stupid ball that got stuck."



Esther! I think she has one of the best bowling poses, hahaha. Among us la! But then, dunno why, her aims not accurate one. LIKE MINE. :/



"Let's make retarded faces!"



"Okay, it must be gen's turn right now, whatever let's camwhore!"



Surprisingly, Hilda actually gets one of the highest scores! Close competitor is shermaineeee! See la, they all so pro, not like me who has not played bowling in like a year or something. boohoo.


The scores shall justify all.

There you see, the major score difference after half the first game.
SHERMAINE MUST BE SECRETLY PRACTICING BOWLING RIGHT? :D



Esther again!



Hahaha shermaine has this weird after-pose after she releases the ball.


Lane 10's ours!






Scores after awhile... hahahah. Oh look they show the ball speed too! That's 8.54mph for Shermaine.


Camwhoring while gen is bowling! Wah! leave me out horrrr.


Heee, okay, (:
Oh that guy in the backgroud there? He's damn awesome.


TAKE ME TAKE ME TAKE ME TAKE PHOTO WITH MEEEE.





Hahahhaa :D





Esther in action!


Scores yet again, oh my I'm lagginggggg. Stupid balls keep on going into the longkang.



Wanted to take a photo of how Hilda drops the ball, but too late sadly...



Oh yeah my photo! HAHHAA see how my left hand flicks up, xD




LOOKS LIKE SHE'S GONNA FALLLLLLL. not. hahahaha





I know, I know, my pose is wrong. Tralala, whateverrrr. ahhahah xD





HEEHEE.


JUMP JUMP CLAP CLAP BALL PLEASE GO IN!


Oh noooooo, ball into longkang ):


Wanted to take ending scores, but it got erased in time for a new game, hahhaa.



COCONUT HEADDDD. Looks like one, no? xD





Scores at the end of the second game. Whoohoo wowwee i'm last HAHAHAH xD
I knew it, I suck, I'm horrible at bowling HAHAHHAHA.


YAYAYAYAYYA US. Esther Genevieve Shermaine Hilda, (loves!)



Aiyoh Shermaineis face cut off ):


Now she didn't open her eyes!



After bowling, we left kallang for Bugis, walked to Illuma to get the tickets for UP!

Omg, the show was great :D


"EH EH EH LET'S RIDE UP THE BIG BIG ESCALATOR."


Dark shot, whoops.








OH YES OTAKU HOUSE. I WANT PoT POSTCARDS THEY'RE LIKE AWESOME AHHAHA.
Although I don't know what'll I use them for. Whatever la! They look awesome!
And Cosplaying is cool! :D

And finally after the movie, went to NYDC to have DESSERT!
Irish cream wine ice cream and some really really chocolatey cake omg heaven I love it!


Here's what left of it, before Hilda started playing around with the leftover syrup.

Thenafter, Hilda had to go off to Malaysia, so I went back home as well but Shermaine and Esther remained to shop for awhile.
ESTHER SPENT TOO MUCH, TSK! HAHAHHA xD

Concludes a wonderful day spent.
Holy crapz it's 2.40am already I'm tired like mothaffffff I wanna go to bed and zzz so night!