It's almost, amazing, for lack of a better word, to see how much your perception of a person can do a 180-degree flip and walk on its hands as you look on, aghast and pertrified.

Questions zoom through your head, whereas answers are nowhere to be found.
You find yourself asking, why is this so?
You ask yourself, what happened?
You question, what is wrong?

Slowly but surely, this question will pop up:
"Did I do something... wrong?"

You think back, far as you can, as much as possible. But you cannot figure out what did you do.
You're most likely on the verge of hair-pulling, because, of course! It MUST be YOUR fault! It's not his fault, not her fault, not anyone elses's fault. It's YOURS.

Then you will come to the conclusion that, yes, it's true, you did nothing.
The only wrong is you. You are the wrong.

Oh dear! What are you going to do then?
You're guilty. It's you. It has ALWAYS been you, nothing else. You, guilty.

You are desperate now. Desperate to keep him here, no matter what. HE will NOT leave YOU.
Anything he says, you say yes. Whatever he asks for, you give. Of course! It was your fault in the first place, isn't it? Shouldn't you make up for your wrongdoings? Do you have the right to say NO to him?

But, he gave you no promises. He gave you no reassurance. He leaves you thinking you are still guilty. You may be oblivious to it, but he is taking advantage of you. He likes this game, seeing as he gains without loss. He wants to continue this game for as long as he likes. For as long as he wants, until he tires of you.

It is easy for him. So, so easy.

Oh no! What if he decides that being with you doesn't give him a 'kick'?
What if he says you are too boring, grow up! Have fun like an adult!
If not he'll just go find someone else instead. Someone more avaliable, someone easier.

What will you do?
You can barely stand the thought. It tears you apart.
You decide that you have had enough, that you don't want to go through this torment anymore.

Surprisingly, it works!
But only for a few days. He 'respects' your decision, true, but only for a few days.
He decides that you are actually very fun to play with, to torture, to torment. He decides to poke, prod, and push you until you oblige to him.

But no, oh no.
You are smarter now! No more a push-over! Whoo!

But, nostalgia kicks in, and you desperately miss the old person, the person you knew from before all the bullshit.
And you want this old person back.

You cling on to all hopes and faith that maybe, just maybe, something you change and lo-and-behold, you have back the one you knew from months ago.

He'll never return. You don't know what had gotten into you to make you think like that.



*




Well, I guess he was the right person at the exact correct moment.


I was just the wrong person.





and...
I'd like something new already.